Need 2 Get My Thoughts 2gether

Here I am once again, I'm in the same spot I was less than a year ago. This is the spot where I'm ready to just walk away and give it all up. When I was a kid, I never knew that life would be this complicated. I mean I didn't have a easy childhood but I always thought things would get better, and they did. I'm finally starting to live for God and the pressure of that is starting to get to me. It's not easy being in college and living holy, its like water and oil the two don't mix. I have so many things I want to do but I can't because I'm living for God now and its no longer about me. We hear all the time that we need to put ourselves down and pick up Christ because it's not about us anymore and we all act like thats no big deal like its just soooo easy. Silly me for thinking that. It's actually the complete opposite, especially for me because I am very strong-willed and independent and I like to be in control of my life. I like to decide things for my own life but that's not how God intended it to be. Again, it's like water and oil the two don't mix and that means we have a problem. I don't expect God to compromise but I don't wanna compromise either and I know thats awful. I know that I'm going to have to compromise but if I could tell you how much I really don't want too, I wouldn't be able to put it in words. This all started because I wanna join the Army, you see that's not God's will for my life and I hate that soooooooooooooooooooooooo much, I mean I realllllllllllyyyyyyyy hate that!!! I've always wanted to be a JAG and the military is the only way I can do that. But thats not God's plan for my life. Instead, God's plan for my life is to sing, of all things. Now don't get me wrong I'm so glad that I can sing I'm so grateful that I can sing. I thank God he gave me a gift because so many people wish they could sing so I'm very much glad that I can sing. However, I have a few hang ups about singing, for one, my mom's a singer, problem number 1, I don't want to live in her shadow for the rest of my life! Problem number 2, I lost my zeal for singing when I was in 5th grade and the most important man in my life died, my music teacher, I know you were probably expecting me to say my dad but nope my music teacher. I loved that man, he really and truly was like a father to me so I guess you can say that he's my other father, but after he died, I lost my desire to sing, all of it was gone. But now I'm being forced to do it because it's God's plan for my life and I say again, I hate that too. Why is it that I hate every plan God has for my life? I don't think I'm supposed to like it, I think I'm supposed to just do it. That's the problem I have, I will do it even though I hate it but I'm miserable when I do it and that makes it even harder to do!! So now I have a decision to make and it's not an easy one so I must handle with care. What to do? What to do??

New Years Resolution With A Twist

So it's 2011 and I keep hearing people talk about their new years resolutions. They all say the same thing "new year, new me". For some reason I just can't really relate to that phrase because I don't really want a new me. I don't want me at all anymore, I want God's spirit. I don't want it to be me at all this year or any other year that I'm alive. So I've reached the conclusion that everyone that was in my life in 2010, will not be in my life in 2011. My bishop always tells us to hang around people that celebrate us not tolerate us. But lately, I've been feeling like a lot of people I hang around just tolerate me. God is beginning to open my eyes more and more everyday, so now I'm starting to see people for who and what they really are. Therefore all I can do is pray for them, from a distance. Instead of trying to build relationships with people, I'm gonna focus on building my relationship with God. So I'm back to being by myself and I'm actually okay with that because really I'm not alone, Jesus told me he'll never leave me nor forsake me. So I figure, I'm okay with just me and him. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not going to just completely isolate myself, I'm just going to sit back and allow God to work on me and move through me. And I'm going to be still and allow God to send me a friend that will celebrate me and not tolerate me, that will pray with me as well as for me, and just build me up as well as me building them up and praying for them. Those are the only people I want in my life from now on. The bible says, "iron sharpens iron"so therefore if we're not sharpening each other spiritually, we don't have anything in common. So my new years resolution is to build my relationship with God and for him to take the very essence of who I am and make it the very essence of who He is.

Letting Go

I've been really thinking and evaluating a lot of different things about my life and I've come to the realization that its time to let some things go. I mean really, holding on to things in the past only hurts you. Why dwell on the past? There's nothing we can do to change what happened to us before, all we can do is learn from those things. I never realized how much baggage I've held on to for soooo long...stuff that happened soooo long ago I can't even remember all the details. So this new year I'm going to purpose in my heart and mind to let the past go. I know people make new years resolutions every year and most times they don't keep them, but this is not really a new years resolution. This is more like me following God's commandments. The bible says not to dwell on the past and to forgive all the people that hurt you in the past. So I think that its time for me and not only me but all of us to just start letting stuff go. What's the use in staying upset with people about stuff that we can't even remember. Even the stuff we can remember we still need to let go. It only makes us frustrated, and I don't know about you, but I'm tired of being frustrated about stuff that people have done or said. I'm ready to just let all the things that people said or did to me in the past go. And start loving all those people that hurt me and just giving them another chance because really, what if God treated us the way we treat people when they hurt us? We treat God the same way every time we do something that goes against His word. So the same way He forgives us I think we need to start doing the same thing for people. And I know what your thinking, "easier said then done" which is true but you know what the truth of the matter is that there is no use in us staying mad and harping on old issues, it's time to step into the future and letting God take us to the next level. Because that's what its all about, getting closer and closer to God.

Random Thoughts

You know, I'm starting to realize that you can't make people love you. So I'm starting to realize that you shouldn't even give people the opportunity to hurt you or make you upset. I know this might sound kind of rude but I don't even want get close to people anymore. I feed people with a long handle spoon because people take advantage of you and then you get hurt in the process. So I figure, why even give them the opportunity to hurt you? I'm not saying you can't be friends with people, I'm saying don't get too attached to people that if they decide to walk out of your life, your completely heart broken. Never give people room to hurt you, when it comes down to it, the only people you can depend on is yourself and God. All the other people, it's nice to have friends but don't depend on people. And don't waste your time trying to please people and living up to their expectations because you will spend your whole life trying to please people and its not that important. What people think about you, doesn't really matter. Only God's opinion matters.

Prophetic Night/ Another Place

So last night I went to church. It was AWESOME!!! It started off kind of slow..well not really slow but my Bishop was just preaching, still awesome. But then he switched into prophetic mode and he started going up to people and prophesying to people. It was awesome and I was excited listening to him prophesy to other people. Then he came up to me and I was completely not expecting that!! It was so awesome...the things he says are always pin point accurate and the things he said to me made me feel so much better about life. It's funny because whenever I feel like things are getting to be too much for me, God always does something awesome that makes you feel so empowered. God will always empower you if you just ask Him. I was just praying yesterday (before church) for God to empower me, to re-assure me that I'm okay. Sometimes when we go through storms, we need God to give us a little boost. And He does and its awesome to serve a God like that. To know that He loves you so much that He won't leave you alone when you need His help. To know that He cares so much that He won't let you fall if you don't want to fall. Its funny because the song Another Place by Micah Stampley just came on in my ear and you know what God is taking all of those who serve Him to another place, another dimension in Him. Another place in Him, thats powerful. God is taking His people to another level and when God takes you to another level, no one can stop you except Him. Let God take you to Another Place.

We Say The Craziest Things!!!

So I was looking at Proverbs because I wanted to find this scripture, its Proverbs 8:7 and its amazing it says: For my mouth shall speak truth; and wickedness is an abomination to my lips. I thought that was awesome because wouldn't that be a wonderful testimony??? This is something we as christians should all strive to do, something we should ask God to become a reality. Sometimes we say things that are just off the wall, and later on when we think about it we wonder to ourselves, why did I say that??? I know I'm not the only person who thinks this....its crazy because if we're supposed to be christians than we shouldn't have to wonder why we say crazy things. The bible says that if any man speak, let him speak as the oracles of God. But amazingly so many of us don't follow that commandment. I think part of that stems from our lack of knowledge of what that really means. When God said speak as the oracles of Him, he meant only speaking His word. Meaning, only speaking what He tells us to speak and not just what we want to speak. We always have an opinion about things but we don't care or don't take the time to listen to what God has to say. When really His opinion is the only opinion that matters. Funny right?? I think so. But I know that this is something I am beginning to pray everyday. You should do so too.