Need 2 Get My Thoughts 2gether

Here I am once again, I'm in the same spot I was less than a year ago. This is the spot where I'm ready to just walk away and give it all up. When I was a kid, I never knew that life would be this complicated. I mean I didn't have a easy childhood but I always thought things would get better, and they did. I'm finally starting to live for God and the pressure of that is starting to get to me. It's not easy being in college and living holy, its like water and oil the two don't mix. I have so many things I want to do but I can't because I'm living for God now and its no longer about me. We hear all the time that we need to put ourselves down and pick up Christ because it's not about us anymore and we all act like thats no big deal like its just soooo easy. Silly me for thinking that. It's actually the complete opposite, especially for me because I am very strong-willed and independent and I like to be in control of my life. I like to decide things for my own life but that's not how God intended it to be. Again, it's like water and oil the two don't mix and that means we have a problem. I don't expect God to compromise but I don't wanna compromise either and I know thats awful. I know that I'm going to have to compromise but if I could tell you how much I really don't want too, I wouldn't be able to put it in words. This all started because I wanna join the Army, you see that's not God's will for my life and I hate that soooooooooooooooooooooooo much, I mean I realllllllllllyyyyyyyy hate that!!! I've always wanted to be a JAG and the military is the only way I can do that. But thats not God's plan for my life. Instead, God's plan for my life is to sing, of all things. Now don't get me wrong I'm so glad that I can sing I'm so grateful that I can sing. I thank God he gave me a gift because so many people wish they could sing so I'm very much glad that I can sing. However, I have a few hang ups about singing, for one, my mom's a singer, problem number 1, I don't want to live in her shadow for the rest of my life! Problem number 2, I lost my zeal for singing when I was in 5th grade and the most important man in my life died, my music teacher, I know you were probably expecting me to say my dad but nope my music teacher. I loved that man, he really and truly was like a father to me so I guess you can say that he's my other father, but after he died, I lost my desire to sing, all of it was gone. But now I'm being forced to do it because it's God's plan for my life and I say again, I hate that too. Why is it that I hate every plan God has for my life? I don't think I'm supposed to like it, I think I'm supposed to just do it. That's the problem I have, I will do it even though I hate it but I'm miserable when I do it and that makes it even harder to do!! So now I have a decision to make and it's not an easy one so I must handle with care. What to do? What to do??